Tensai

Sep. 28th, 2014 07:31 pm
megajessness: (Mercury wut face)
Eyes only. )

I fail

Nov. 11th, 2012 04:52 pm
megajessness: (sashi face)
I just ... fail. I feel like utter fail. I am full of fail, I can't even hold my head up high, can't even feel all warm and fuzzy knowing I have friends. I love them, but do they love me? Do they hate me? Do they still feel disappointed in me for things I've done?

I would like nothing more than to just curl up and disappear for a while. Shirk every single responsibility I've ever borne and let someone else take care of it because it's not like anything's getting done under my watch anyway.

I feel that disatisfied with my life at this point, no matter the amount of good things I still have and good things I have gained since moving up here. Winter's set its chill into my soul, y'all, and I'm not holding up too well at all.

It's a wonder I still have friends at this point. You're all wonderful for not leaving me, for being as patient with me as you can stand, and I still love you so much for it. I still feel like a total failure. I failed all y'all, failed myself, just ... failed.
megajessness: (Rockman X thinking)
I really don't know how my mother did it some days. Sometimes, I feel so weary, like whatever little responsibility I have, or whatever burden I decided to bear whether it's my own or someone else's is just going to finally crush me and there'll be nothing left of me. Or, rather, it'll be like gravity trying to crush down a star and said star will explode out with force before finally succumbing to the forces that be.

Optimism is so hard to maintain in today's world. I've been nothing but an optimist, looking at the good in people first, thinking of them as inherently good, and I'd rather see a person's good qualities first and see their shortcomings second.

It's hard, because it takes a lot of strength to take in all the bad, deal with it, and focus the rest on the good that you find. There are tons of little things that relentlessly beat you down, chip away at you, and at the end of a period of time, you get so worn.

Some people heal themselves through friends and family, but I barely have any family up here, and none of my friends. Actually, I have a very hard time confiding in a lot of people. Most of the time I refuse to. I don't want to show any weakness, any vulnerability that someone will see and exploit.

I felt that weariness in spades last night. I had wanted to tell my boyfriend that I don't want to be the one carrying his confidence and my own in the relationship. It's been hard enough maintaining myself, and I seriously need a break. I just want to be taken care of, where I'll have no worries and I can focus on refreshing myself if only just for a few days. It was easier back home because I had friends I could rely on for that. We could go out and do things and I'd feel tons better. I can't do that now, not up here. I miss my best friends so much. I don't want to do something like that with my boyfriend, because I feel this is something reserved for friends, maybe even family. I really need to hang out with Markie more.

My poor Nick, he senses it, and he wants to make it better, to fix it, and he doesn't know how. I just want my friends back. I want that presence and that quiet support that comes with just being around each other. It's all coming to a head right now, and with my grandfather's 3rd death anniversary coming up it's just getting worse.

It got a little better last night, but I just really, really, REALLY need some friends right now. My online friends can do only so much. I need some physical friends here to talk to and hang out with and do stuff with.

My mother endured all sorts of things, and her strength is phenomenal. I admire her so much for it, and I want to have the kind of strength she does. I'm so afraid that I won't be able to bear it much longer and I'll just either snap in two or explode and collapse into a dense little ball of waste material.

Welp

Jan. 6th, 2012 05:57 pm
megajessness: (Flint)
Well, consider my move from LJ to here official. I'm surprised and pleased at how quickly everything was imported, so I hope I have a good time having a little hidey-hole where I can write what I want without having to worry about character limit and such. Writing on a paper diary is fun, but I get into the habit better if it's online. The direction LJ is now taking as a whole leaves a very sour taste in my mouth, especially since the bulk of people signed up on this side of the world are Americans. We're feeling very screwed-over right now.

At any rate, I'll be keeping my three RP accounts over there, mainly for the Dear_Mun community and the style workarounds they plan to use to make life a little easier on the people that post there. Still a lot of RP communities moving over to DW, including a dressing room I'm rather fond of: The Love Hotel. My own RP needs with the muses I have will be met through private things and the RPs I'm in on Tegaki-E. My focus needs to go back over to those more anyway.
megajessness: (Rockman X thinking)
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This is actually a toss-up between Abraham Lincoln and Theodore "Teddy" Roosevelt. Everyone knows the general story and accomplishments of "Honest Abe" and what he did for the USA, and with good reason. He moved this country forward with his radical political views and cynical mindset. He didn't believe things were just so because of something, or that they were always going to remain so. He brought about much needed change at the time that bettered this country in many ways.

The same goes for Teddy. I know some people say he only put the national parks we enjoy today (the most notable being Yellowstone) so that he could have a legal hunting ground, but doesn't that also require an understanding that the environment must be maintained? One can't enjoy their favorite sport without the playing field being properly cared for. He also had an appreciation for the wild lands as well, with how much he traveled. Teddy Roosevelt was the first president to put that kind of conservationalist mindset into action that has stuck to this very day, which Jimmy Carter expanded into energy effeciency, conservation, and sustainability. It's only a shame now that many state-run parks are in trouble all over the nation, and I think that would make Teddy very sad indeed. Teddy also didn't fall for any bullshit. He's the one that called out Rockafeller and put Standard Oil Company under investigation for underhanded business activities.

These two men were also very loved by the people, and these two men were not afraid to take action and stick to their objectives. This is something that everyone should strive for not only in a leader, but in themselves. This country was very fortunate to have these two men in office.
megajessness: (Default)
Why is it that whenever I do something that's viewed as breaking the rules, no matter if I take the consequences or not, I always think someone out there is going to hate me for what I did? That they're suddenly not going to like me for that one little mistake and hold it against me for the rest of my days, and bring it up to others to use against me?

It's an automatic response I have, and I can't help it, at all. I don't have that reaction to only the closest of friends I have, but to everyone else I think they're suddenly gonna hate me. I'm at the very least expecting a berating from every single person, and I am gonna take it like a bitch and cry myself to sleep. Cuz I don't like breaking rules, especially when I never intended to.

._____. I feel like such a child when I react this way. Next comes the impulse to disappear off the face of the earth and hope somebody forgets about the incident and/or forgets about me entirely. Just move on, nothing important to see, no, that person you knew wasn't really important anyway, no matter how much she'll miss talking to you and hanging out with you and bouncing ideas off you. No, not important at all. You wouldn't miss her anyway, she's just a crummy girl who can't follow simple rules and directions, why does she deserve to be acquainted with you?

True thoughts I have :/

Wut

Oct. 24th, 2011 12:56 pm
megajessness: (Mercury nyoron)
I keep forgetting my password for Maplestory, it's bugging the hell out of me ._.; I think I should just reset it, again, and try another password xD; I hate having to be forced to reset it after every so often, especially since I have others I need to remember.

Okay, moving on! I signed up for NaNoWriMo. I'm gonna do it, y'all, Ima try and write an original fiction novel, and I will be using my original characters for it. I already jotted down some important non-fictional notes, cuz of the times and places the entire story takes place in. Let's hope I can make it to 50K words and beyond!

Also, work is kinda kicking my ass again. Or kicking my feet. And my sleep schedule. Surprisingly enough, I seem to have enough energy that I may be able to stay up through the night, but I honestly doubt it XD I'll probably go konk out after I finish eating.

I woulda updated my Facebook with all this, but I apparently had too much to say. We also had the smallest table/tower truck. We got done unloading the entire thing, regular freight included, at 8 AM. We started at 6:15 AM. That's purty good if'n ya ask me.

Meeeh, I have so much to catch up on at Tegaki and my LJ RPs ._.; Work, you suck for taking up so much of my freetime.

And now I go to change the washer to the dryer 8D
megajessness: (Default)
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I was in my Government class as it was happening. I didn't know what was going on because our principal wouldn't let anyone in the school turn on the TV. My German teacher turned it on anyway when I had her class that day (it was last period), and we watched the footage that had been captured.

But you know, this thing, and the simple question, makes me think it's written in a spiteful tone. As if to guilt trip those who are not even residents of NYC, which is bullshit.

Personally, I'm tired of remembering. I'm tired of being reminded year after year that it happened, that we're forced to remember. Yes, it shook us as a nation, it united us for a time, but look at what we did because of it. We threw ourselves into a chaotic middle east, not knowing exactly who we were chasing after, and when we finally did grab the one man we decided to blame for all of this? People made me sick celebrating over his death, and I think they were all fools if they thought that finished it.

I mean no disrespect to the families who lost loved ones, to the kids who never got to know their parents because of it, to the parents that have now outlived their children that had gotten caught up in it all. I'm just sick and tired of remembering that horrible image of two iconic buildings tumbling down as if they were built by matchsticks. I don't want to grieve over it anymore. I don't believe the rest of the nation should either.

Because I'm from San Antonio, I imagined what it would be like if the Tower of the Americas and/or the Alamo got demolished in the same way. And then pictured people all around downtown dying in an instant. I figured that was very much the equivalent of the Two Towers collapsing, and it gave me the shivers.

All the same, I want to move on completely from that event, and I believe everyone else should as well. Move on doesn't mean completely forget. Move on means live while taking the lessons of the past with you.
megajessness: (Mercury wut face)
._. I am really not looking forward to my birthday this year. It's so drab, and so much is happening that my birthday is suddenly vastly unimportant. Not only that, the fact I'm 3 years away from 30 is not that exciting. In fact, I'm dreading being 30 and not have anything to show for it (in my eyes at least). I know I have all that I ever need, and I even have a boy who loves me and whom I love very much. But I had a specific image of myself that I used to imagine for when I reached my 30s. I'm nowhere near that image, even though I had all the opportunities set before me. I wanted to be married, be vibrant, beautiful, with the best curly hair that I could actually take care of, and to have a career I loved. Money doesn't fit into the equation, though I naturally assumed that I'd be able to live comfortably. I know I don't need to be rich to be happy, but I don't want to have to struggle so much financially either.

So as I get closer and closer to that stupid "magical" age I think of how little I've actually accomplished. It's so depressing right now, and I feel like such a failure. I cut my bonds to San Antonio and left almost everyone I love behind just for this? I thought I had more drive than that, but apparently not. Some things are looking up for us, but as of this moment I'm too depressed to take any joy from it. Besides, that good thing isn't exactly set in stone yet. And of course we're struggling, again, money-wise. We're pretty much constantly broke cuz we can't really afford to spend on anything other than bills and rent.

I used to be so excited that my birthday was coming up. I'd be getting well-wishes from everybody, and I'd make time to hang out with family and friends, and we'd go out and do something we all enjoy to matter if we could afford it or not. There was always something we could do that would make me happy, mainly because the people were there.

Now they're not. I only have Markie and Nathan up here, and what friends I do have are only through Nathan. Everyone else is back in Texas. I don't even want them to call me in 4 days because not only will I be working, it'll just depress me even further. I'm not telling anyone at work that day that it's my birthday, either. I don't want any birthday wishes from them either. Or, more correctly, I don't want any empty birthday wishes. I have no idea if they really care anything about me, and there are very few that I genuinely care for. I feel too distant with the rest. Iain, Angela, Sarah, Erica, Jesse, Perret, Peggy, Jim, Jereth, Brian, and maybe Teresa; those are the ones I feel closest to. Maybe even Carrie. She's such a sweet lady, and she's so genuine. Yeah, Carrie, too. I'd say Richard, too, but I was never sure with him.

People up here are much more "professional" in the purely dictionary sense than they are in Texas when it comes to work and the people they work with, even though it's a proven method that a closer team accomplishes more together than a team that knows nothing more about each other than their names and what they do. That's part of the reason why I feel like I can't get close to many of my coworkers at all. It could also be partly my doing because I'm constantly feeling the heartbreak of being away from the people I love the most. I don't want to add to that pain, but I do have to acknowledge that I do love them all very much. I can't help myself. I may not be close to them, but I still care for them.

...wow, I really go off on tangents, don't I? Bleh.
megajessness: (Venus Djinni Golden Sun Flint)
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Yes, yes I do. However, I do not think that should be the first time kids are introduced to the idea of sex and what it entails. That should always start in the home. A parent's voice is stronger than anyone else's for a child. No matter how much a student may like their teacher, there's always gonna be that doubt. How much did they stretch? Did they leave anything out important because of embarrassment or bias? What if they wanted to know more detail?

In our society sex itself is an embarrassing subject. Hell, we don't even talk about our own genitals comfortably, or even about underwear. That being said, approaching the subject of sex in a public place, such as a school, still leaves the student with unanswered questions they're too embarrassed to ask.

Thus, what needs to happen first is the parents should always have "the talk" with their kids about sex first. Take myself, for example. I learned, in detail, about sex at seven years old. I was taken to the master bedroom alone, so my brother wouldn't overhear as he was only five at the time, and both my mother and father explained to me what happens when a couple has sex. I was even given detailed accounts of how an erection happens.

I wasn't disturbed by it. I was kind of surprised our bodies were capable of such a thing, but it also made perfect sense. Kids wonder from a very young age where they came from and how; that's why you get even toddlers asking "the question". I also accepted it as the absolute truth, because my parents were telling me, and they also told me it's important for me to know. In a biological sense, it's perfect for the parents to tell the child because they were the ones that went through the very act to bring their kid into the world. I think that's what really drives it home, for the child to know that this is how they came into the world. If a child first learns from someone else and they don't have any kids (that they know of), they're going to doubt regardless.

Now that I have that out of the way, continuing sex education should be reinforced in public schools. Not often, but enough, because as we all know and remember at a certain age we become more and more curious about it. I remember being eager to learn about it at only 10 years old.

At the end of my 5th grade year, I watched a video about puberty, sex, and reproduction. It was mandatory, every single class in 5th grade had to watch it. Then, I had a class for one six-week period in 6th grade about safe-sex education. That class mainly enforced use of condoms and informed about birth controls, STDs, pregnancy, etc. The subject is given less focus in high school, but it's still there if you take a Health class, which I did.

Now, all of this was fine, but I had one thing at home that I knew my peers didn't. I was given permission at 12 to read a little miniature book that was a sex guide, with photographs and diagrams. That's something that I think should be provided to students in middle and high school: resources. I understand schools can't have some books available because of their content, but that doesn't mean the teacher can't write down a few titles and recommend them.

If the students had more resources at their disposal, and the approval from either their parents or their teachers to look them up, I believe they'll make smarter choices and feel less pressure from their peers and our society as a whole.

Reminisce?

Mar. 19th, 2011 06:23 am
megajessness: (Default)
Please someone stop me from reading my older LJ baw-tastic entries again after this, especially since I still feel so disgusted at myself from being a total idiot and leaving San Antonio when I did. Good lord this past year and a half has been hard!

I'm still kinda bitter over it all, but that's always what happens when you're hurt by someone else. First the sadness, then the anger. I've been able to keep it from festering, but to be perfectly honest I don't care if I don't speak to him for a long time.

I'm also not moving back, not until after I get my bachelor's in marine biology, at the very least. Maybe, then I'll move back to Texas and continue my education there, but we'll see. I have a chance to achieve the dream I thought was going to be impossible when I was a kid. I'm good with art, I'm good with technology, both talents are in my blood; however, I always considered them hobbies, and I always said as much. My one true dream, my one true love that I had always wanted to get into and always loved learning about, is marine life.

And now, before I get off topic again~! All this makes me wonder how Heather's doing, and if things are going well for her. Ever since we broke ties I don't worry about her that much, but she's one of those friends where she's always been "fine" to some extent. She's spunky like that, and is good at taking care of herself. Even when she was having a shitty day, usually a few hours with some friends would be all she needed, and then afterwards some quality time with her cats...and maybe some alcohol XD

I also need to quit writing these when I'm so tired I can barely keep myself from nodding off at my computer.
megajessness: (Default)
Yaaaay, memes! 8D Enjoy! Here's the text I read off of for it.

Your name and/or username:
Where you're from:
Say the following words: Aunt, Roof, Route, Wash, Oil, Theater, Iron, Salmon, Caramel, Fire, Water, Sure, Data, Ruin, Crayon, Toilet, New Orleans, Pecan, Both, Again, Probably, Spitting Image, Alabama, Lawyer, Coupon, Mayonnaise, Syrup, Pajamas, Caught, Orange, Coffee, Direction, Naturally, Aluminium and Herbs
What is it called when you throw toilet paper on a house?
What is the bubbly carbonated drink called?
What do you call gym shoes?
What do you say to address a group of people?
What do you call the kind of spider that has an oval-shaped body and extremely long legs?
What do you call your grandparents?
What do you call the wheeled contraption in which you carry groceries at the supermarket?
What do you call it when rain falls while the sun is shining?
What is the thing you change the TV channel with?

And here is the link to the recording: http://www.box.net/shared/f5x2k1i45i

Ohgod I just realized I misread "Aluminium" I thought it was "Aluminum". FRICK! ;~; oh well.
megajessness: (Default)
Sometimes I wonder about my own mental age. I have a lot of online friends, and most of them are younger than me; some are even minors. Teenagers, teenagers everywhere! I don't usually think much of it, at least until the typical drama starts up. I've been there, done that, and more and more I'm starting to feel that I need to stay away from it. My teenage years were the usual: a lot of firsts, good and bad, tons of drama and hormones in between. These years are not easy for anyone by any stretch of the imagination.

It makes me wanna help them out. Y'know, smooth things over a little for them and clear up some fog if they're confused. I had a role model like that before, why shouldn't they have the same thing? I'm still young enough that I still have the patience to stand whatever they throw at me. I can only hope I have even more patience for my own kids if I ever have any. Then, this question comes up, "Was I really that bad as a teen too? ...Yeah, probably. No, I know I was. I'm so sorry, Mommy."

Honestly, age is one of the last things I ask about a person when I meet 'em. I tend to automatically treat them like my own age, maybe even older depending on maturity level. Actually, it's a little different for those who are obviously a lot older than me, but I think that's a given. Same for babies, cuz they're so young. I'd still talk to them, but not like I was their best friend; I'd talk to them as if I were their second mother XD

Anyway! Back to teenagers in my slightly-sick stupor! 8D yes, I'm finally getting sick, bleh. I had a rant in here, then I drifted and then I forgot half of it. Basically, teenaged drama is starting to get to me more than I think it should. I really need to just sit back and let bygones be bygones, but that means distancing myself personally from my friends and I don't want to risk that. I just dunno, sometimes I wonder if I'm just too damn old for them all. I have plenty other friends my age to relate to, so no worries about that.

I also wonder if they in turn feel distanced from me anyway, simply because of age. I haven't forgotten what it's like, y'all don't have to act like I "won't understand". ...I understand the problem, I just don't understand anymore why y'all don't do anything about it like I think you should. The problem with hindsight is that it's totally one-sided. No one will take advantage of the wisdom someone offers them unless they make the same stupid mistake and get told "I told you so." That's just how it seems to go. I only want to help, but sometimes I wonder if I should just leave it alone for a bit.
megajessness: (Default)
So I thought I'd write in here, as last night was kinda giddy with rushing emotions that I'm still feeling the aftereffects of. Alicia knows what I'm talking about, I'll leave it up to her to brag about this to as many people as she wants to XD

So there's this guy (haw, and then everyone knew where this was going), right? But we didn't just meet; we've been talking for months, prolly a year or two already. I first knew him as an artist for a Sonic webcomic that was drawn, and drawn well, for once. I like sprite comics, but for sprite stuff something about the comic has to grip me really well in order for me to keep up with it. Then and only then will I begin looking at the artistic part of it XD Drawn comics online are such a novelty these days, especially if they're fan-comics.

Anyway! Gosh, when did we start talking? **five minutes later, after scrolling down his Watchers list on dA** Wow, I watched him on November 6, 2007. I know we began talking not long after that. Three years I've known this guy. Man, how time flies (hard to believe I've known Tony for even longer, too bad I don't talk to him much anymore). At first it was random hellos, some conversation here and there, but it wasn't until earlier this year that we began to get really close.

Shared pain can do that. One rants, the other rants, both sympathize because it seemed the same thing has happened to them, just under difference circumstances. Of course we both dealt with it differently, but it became more and more common with us. We've even recently shared the pain of big breakups in our lives that are still hard to get over. And in-between us bitching about life to each other, we hung out often and spammed each other links, YouTube vids, and talked shop (video games, mainly Sonic XD). We just ... talked. About everything, too. I love having friends like that.

It wasn't until his recent 21st birthday that we did anything. Rather, I did something for him, a special lil' birthday gift to help lift his spirits. It just came to me without any goading, without any convincing, and without any asking. I did this for him all on my own without a second thought and I enjoyed every bit of it. I may be virginal, but damn am I a showoff XD Still, I surprised myself.

After that everything just kinda ... I dunno. "Fell into place" isn't exactly right, and "escalated" isn't, either. Everything was business as usual, but he just wouldn't leave my mind. I became eager to talk to him, and even yesterday during my truck shift, when I saw friggin' Valentine's Day towels and such, I became excited about it. I never do that XD Usually if I see V-Day stuff I sigh and roll my eyes. "It's cute, but ugh." Those towels were in a real cute design too, they got good this year.

Now to the point of this entry! He's ... I ... we got together, just last night. I finally broke under my own pressure and asked him right out. I was contemplating it for a few days beforehand, but I thought I still wouldn't be ready or willing to put myself into another relationship that I want to last. Finally, I decided last night it was now or never, so I asked and expected a full rejection. He was still hurting from his own relationship, too, despite my help, and I honestly thought he wouldn't want to date again for a while. Instead I got a "...really? I'd ... like that." Apparently even he thought the same thing: wanted to date me, thought I wouldn't go for it, then lo and behold!

Yes, it's a long-distance relationship. Yes, I know those are hard. But you know, with all my experience with past relationships, coupled with the fact I am no longer afraid to board a plane on my own and just go for it, I'm more than willing to put in the effort. I'm also trying hard not to be too overwhelming all at once. I still want to lavish him so much attention just from texting back and forth, but I don't want him to get in trouble at work so I'm holding back. I'm also holding back a little for his sake cuz I don't wanna wind up scaring him away. hee, just around 5 hours 'til he gets home x3 And here I thought about changing my plan to reduce my minutes cuz I don't use them that much. I'm going to put that idea on hold, considering I'm going to use my phone a lot more now.

Overall, I'm very happy how this turned out, and I wanted to wait until I had enough sleep and coherency to let everyone know. Needless to say I don't quite feel like repeating the news a million times to other people but them's the breaks xD My guy is known as Nomad, name is Nick :3 he lives in Louisiana, and is not only a cutie but a sweety <3 I know I don't usually wind up dating friends, but right now I believe we're both exactly what we need.
megajessness: (Venus Djinni Golden Sun Flint)
If anyone watches The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, then you surely know about his Rally to Restore Sanity. If you watch The Colbert Report you might also know of Steven Colbert's Rally to Keep Fear Alive. They wound up putting both rallies on the same date, so naturally they had their rallies together. However, the single rally is still called Rally to Restore Sanity with sprinkles of Team Fear among the crowds, including costumed attendees.

The Rally had become a global event, with satellite rallies taking place around the world either the same day or on their own times because of time zone restraints. Of course, there were several satellite rallies taking place in the US, one of which is the Seattle Rally.

If you can believe it, the organizer, Jim Baum, for this event didn't even have cable TV. He was at a friend's house when he heard about Jon's Rally in Washington, D.C., and he along with a team of people got the word out, built a web site, and began accepting donations. After the budget, any extra donations are going straight to DonorsChoose.org, where donors choose a project teachers have posted to donate to. Some comedians were guests of the rally, along with one of Washington's own congressmen, Jim McDermott, and a man called Dave Ross as their MC (turns out he's a host for talk-radio station 97.3 FM up here).

The Seattle Rally was being held at 9 AM this morning. At around 7:45 AM Pacific time I went with Nathan and his school friends Jim, Kayla, and Anthony in two cars, on a crystal clear morning as the sun rose to clouds rolling in from the Pacific, offering a beautiful view of the surrounding mountains when the landscape opened up before us. We didn't get on the highway right away, deciding to catch a quick breakfast at our local Jack-in-the-Crack/Box.

Fall is a very wet time for the Puget Sound area, so naturally we felt thrilled the morning started out so clear and beautiful. It was too much to hope for that kind of weather for the rest of the day, however, it ended up raining about two hours into our rally. We wound up not worrying about traffic, luckily we left early enough. Too bad we paid out the nose for parking at one of the more expensive lots downtown; then again, it was right next to Public Market. It's right on the Sound, and there are 3 levels of shops inside while outside you can buy locally grown produce and locally caught fish. There's even a restaurant called Sound View where one entire wall is windows so you can look out onto the water. It must be excellent in the summer.

At Westlake Center, just a few blocks down from Public Market, the five of us chose a spot under a tree relatively close to the stage. It was directly in front of us, and we had a clear view of the screen they set up so we can view the Live feed from the main D.C. Rally that began at 12 PM Eastern time. Free flags were given away, also several copies of a book called Speak Up, Speak Out, and Be Heard: How to Protest and Make It Count by Jeremy Holcomb. It looks useful for the information it has if nothing else, though the purpose of the Rally is to encourage reason; if we're protesting anything it's hatred, anger, and corruption brought on by fear, sensationalism, and ignorance.

The clouds covered the skies quickly as the Rally began, starting with Jim Baum introducing himself to the crowd and then introducing the crowd to a volunteer to sing the National Anthem, to which we sang along. After a speech to set off the rally itself by Mr. Ross, comedians then took to the stage, with interviews in the crowd in-between. After one more comedian we finally were able to view the D.C. Rally as Jon Stewart took to the stage. Comedy Central was the one controlling what to show, so aside from the occasional lag the broadcast cut off at certain points so we could continue with our own plans. Oh, and for the record we all happily sang along to "Greatest, Strongest, Country in the World"/"No One's More American Than We"/however you want to title it.

It rained, it poured, it showered, supposedly typical of October in the Seattle area. I enjoyed myself despite my hands and feet turning into blocks of ice and despite getting properly soaked (thank god for fleece, it hardly ever soaks through). I wore my voice sore from cheering, and felt happy to be among like-minded people who finally stood up with the rest of the entire world to make a statement and bring sanity back to our everyday lives.

My feeling of everything going down the tube is gone, and I'm reassured about the goodness of people, the desire to make the world a better place, and the idealism I felt being squashed by negativity finally gained new strength to rise up above it all. We all left the rally feeling refreshed, reassured, and with the overall attitude that nothing gets done with everyone just screaming at each other.

No one has to be loudest anymore, rather we should all strive to be informed, serene, and open to suggestions and opinions of all kinds. People in groups can be either very weak or very strong together, it all depends on their state of mind. This is our nation, our home, our soil, our problems we want to solve, ours. The same goes for the other nations rallying in the name of sanity. The world can be harsh, but it's not the end of us.

For once, I'm glad to be up here in Washington. We got to look around the area we parked near (including the Public Market) before we drove home, take in the general atmosphere of the place, and I gotta say it's pretty nice. Redmond's attitude is still a little too stuck-up for me, but I'd get myself lost in downtown Seattle anytime if it meant I could hang out with a bunch of cool peeps. I still miss my home state of Texas, but I think I finally feel "at home" in Washington now. We all needed this Rally in more ways than one.

If I remember correctly, there was a satellite rally in Austin, TX. I can only hope that one went as well as the Rally up here. ^-^ Peace, y'all <3

Oy.

Aug. 31st, 2010 02:54 am
megajessness: (Default)
And so now comes the quest to get my laptop back into optimum working order, because for some reason my HD wound up having errors on it that were spreading. Thanks a lot, Vista ._. I had to actually open, for the first time since I got my laptop 3 years ago, the restore disk and use it. And of course now I gotta catch up on stupid updates, reinstall (or copy) what programs I had on here before, update Flash and Shockwave player, and then copy what music I don't already have on CD and also copy all my art and pictures back onto my C drive. And then I plan to defragment it.

So, hopefully my computer will run a little smoother now. yeesh, my poor laptop's been to hell and back. I've never had so many BSODs on any other computer than this one. I am soooo upgrading to Windows 7 ASAP. It uses less RAM, runs a helluva lot better, and it shouldn't be that expensive to upgrade; I just gotta save up a little for it soon as we take care of rent and other bills for the month of September. ._. aaand I just remembered, crap, tomorrow is the 1st XD; I won't have any spending money leftover after bills. I still need to write the check for our internet. I'm getting pretty good hours, but August was such a hard month financially, and then suddenly my computer problems started up. At least we won't be late on rent this month for once.

In my opinion I've taken good care of this laptop, and I'm sure it'll last at least another 4 to 5 years, especially if I upgrade the OS and the RAM like I want. 4 GB of memory is the max for this machine, but hey that's more than enough for me. and I haven't even used half of the HD space before I did the restore disk.

Though earlier today I tried to downgrade to XP 64-bit Professional. The OS installed and ran fine, but it conflicted with my hardware and didn't keep ANY of the drivers for it. My brother had to hunt them down for me, and even then it didn't completely work. Makes me wish I took a computer hardware class, cuz I like hardware, I like studying the specs and hearing about the capabilities of various NICs, graphic cards, sound cards, etc. I've always liked the idea of building my own machine from scratch and to my own specifications based on what I need. Plus it's fun to talk shop with other geeks. Like this morning at work I talked a bit of programming shop with one of my older coworkers, Barbara X3.

Anyway~ This would be why I wasn't online at all today :D I was fooling with my poor laptop XD and hoping to god I didn't have a bad sector that would cripple the HD altogether like it had with my previous laptop. The re-formatting worked, and now I just gotta play catchup. oy.
megajessness: (Default)
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I can count on my family for anything, be it monetary help, a place to sleep, comfort, companionship, a day out to have some fun, absolutely anything. My family is a deep part of my heart and like God they act like my solid rock. I worry about them without cease, pray for their souls when the elderly relatives finally pass away, and I wish for nothing but the best for them. It was because of my family that my childhood with no or few friends was bearable.

There are also a few very close friends of mine that I consider family, y'all know who you are :3. Additional siblings, people I've known for years and plan to know and stay friends with 'til the day I die. The kind of love I have for my family is unshakeable, as is my loyalty and my wish to help them whenever they're in need. No matter what our issues are at the time, I know I can count on my family for anything if I ask.
megajessness: (Default)
We're getting a heatwave, we're getting a heatwave, we're getting a heatwave, we're getting a heatwave, WE'RE GETTING A MOTHER-POKING HEATWAVE! YAY! :D

Yes, I'm excited. I'll finally be able to tan. Ima spend all of Wednesday (forecasted at 88F) at the pool sunbathing and reading a book, with an occasional dip in the pool. Hellz yes.

This sucks

Jul. 3rd, 2010 11:35 pm
megajessness: (Venus Djinni Golden Sun Flint)
Yah, this sucks. So tonight my now-ex-boyfriend got online to talk to me because he wasn't feeling well. He went on about how he felt he wasn't being fair to me because he hadn't told me about his health condition (high blood pressure). He essentially broke up with me, but that hardly matters in my mind right now. I don't care if he thought he didn't deserve to have someone, everyone who knows me knows I believe that isn't true. Everyone deserves somebody. What's set me off is one, his meds aren't working; two, he was showing minor signs of what could be a heart attack; three, he never gave me any indication he'd do something about it despite my worried insisting.

I don't want him to have to be hospitalized because he didn't call 911 or something. He's gone back to bed now, but I still feel like he should have gone to the emergency room at the very least. I've already prayed for him and put him in God's hands, but like clockwork I'm still worrying over him and hoping and praying even more that he'll at least make it through the night. It's not safe to sleep on something like that when your body's acting up with those kinds of symptoms it just isn't. He said he was feeling "achy", "twitchy", and his hands had apparently broken out into a sweat. At one point he typoed so badly I thought he had collapsed.

I still have a feeling he was hiding most of it from me despite telling me about his condition. I wouldn't even care as long as he took care of himself. I don't buy the "I don't wanna worry you/burden you/put undue stress on you" bit anymore. I'm getting sick and tired of my loved ones dying around me. I'd like more than one year in between deaths, thank you very much! I'm so scared for him, scared that he'll just brush it off and won't get it taken care of.

Who knows, it may be nothing, but with symptoms that sound an awful lot like a heart attack coming on, it's not smart to take chances. It makes me wonder just how long he's gone without even so much as making an appointment to change medication. He's a sweet guy, he always was, I've never disliked him in all my years knowing him as a schoolmate.
megajessness: (Default)
I wish the weather was warmer, still, but w/e. damn costal temperate climate.

So! I am finally remembering my dreams! I haven't been able to for months! Since...since grandpa died, actually. So after a year and 3 months I can finally remember what I dream about! They get interesting, tho right now I keep revisiting places I've already been to in other dreams.

How about that, huh? Basically creating your own world based on the one you live in now, do things in it, go back for more powerups--I mean, more, uh, whatever. Yeah, you can tell I play too many RPGs XD

Got a boyfriend just recently, for those of y'all that don't follow my Facebook. Old schoolmate of mine I've known since 2nd grade, David Sweatt. I tell you what right now, I will not tell him I have an LJ, he'll read it religously XD;; and I don't wanna deal with that just yet. He likes spending time with people he cares about and lavishes attention, and to be honest this is the very first guy that requires the same connection. I find I don't mind at all, and I like the attention I'm given in turn. This could probably work out pretty good, but we'll see.

My coworker Katie is out for surgery and recovering from said surgery for a while, so suddenly I have more hours XD It's wearing on me a little more than I expected. and for once I wasn't on truck this week. lol my homies missed me.

Also been seriously contemplating giving myself a wardrobe overhaul. I'm keeping the jeans I have, they're all still perfectly good pairs. Maybe another pair of khaki slacks for work, tons of new shirts to replace the old ones. I oughta find more nostalgic shirts to replace the ones getting holes in 'em XD;; I also wanna redo the amount and kind of shorts I have. I need at least one pair of jean shorts I can wear with any old t-shirt, and the rest I can have fun with. My capris I'm keeping, and I may get a new dress or two. I have too many black dresses. oh, and some semi-formal shirts too, I outgrew the ones I had >.>; bust got too big and they shrunk short anyway. If I wanna do that soon I'll have to sign up for a Kohl's charge account. It'll help build up my credit since I have practically none anyway.

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