I need to grow up or just grow some more spine

[megajessness]

Why is it that whenever I do something that's viewed as breaking the rules, no matter if I take the consequences or not, I always think someone out there is going to hate me for what I did? That they're suddenly not going to like me for that one little mistake and hold it against me for the rest of my days, and bring it up to others to use against me?

It's an automatic response I have, and I can't help it, at all. I don't have that reaction to only the closest of friends I have, but to everyone else I think they're suddenly gonna hate me. I'm at the very least expecting a berating from every single person, and I am gonna take it like a bitch and cry myself to sleep. Cuz I don't like breaking rules, especially when I never intended to.

._____. I feel like such a child when I react this way. Next comes the impulse to disappear off the face of the earth and hope somebody forgets about the incident and/or forgets about me entirely. Just move on, nothing important to see, no, that person you knew wasn't really important anyway, no matter how much she'll miss talking to you and hanging out with you and bouncing ideas off you. No, not important at all. You wouldn't miss her anyway, she's just a crummy girl who can't follow simple rules and directions, why does she deserve to be acquainted with you?

True thoughts I have :/

Comments

[artemis3120.livejournal.com]

Mrr... I actually remember a lot of these feelings myself. I used to have a really big problem with this, and this is partly why I used to be a habitual liar. I would lie about stuff so I wouldn't have to show people mistakes I'd made and find out I was imperfect.

Despite your internal troubles, you're plenty important to me. You're part of my family, and that makes you precious in my eyes.